Beverly Swanson

Have you ever been offended? Of course, you have. We all have. Someone insulted you, lied about you or betrayed your trust. When those things happen, human nature causes us to be hurt or angry; but we have a higher calling to not be offended. It is called ‘grace,’ and all of my fiction books have characters that show grace or at least come to understand it, even if the word grace is never mentioned in the story.

Grace is tightly connected to the word gratitude, which is another way of describing an attitude of finding the positive. It is the opposite of expectations or conditional love, a phrase that is actually an oxymoron. True love cannot be conditional. “Wait!” you’re thinking. “Of course, it can! There is both unconditional and conditional love.” I’m telling you that if there are conditions, it is something other than love. It is an agreement or a contract or some arrangement that promises acceptance and affection in return for certain behavior or attitudes. That’s a negotiation, but it is not love. Love is a promise or an unspoken commitment to want what is best for another person. Love is a list of actions often read at a wedding from 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible. Love is portrayed as a feeling in books and movies, but real love is always without conditions.

The Bible says God is real love and He loves you; who you are, as you are, where you are. That is known as God’s grace, and when understood it gives us freedom to be ourselves. The same is true when we show grace to someone else. It could be described as the ultimate kindness; the act of accepting others for who they are and extend freedom for them to be themselves. In a future post, I look forward to addressing boundaries, but let me say now that it is possible to both love and put up boundaries. Sometimes it is necessary.

Grace, however, when understood takes away offense, because we realize all life doesn’t revolve around ‘me’. We want to be right. We want to win. We want our way, but when we learn to extend grace to those we care about or those who cross our path, there is a freedom that melts offense into a useless puddle we can walk through and hardly notice. The act of seeing potential in someone when it doesn’t fit our personal agenda comes from a position of grace. It isn’t easy to get there, but it makes life easier once you do.

I’ve written four easy-to-understand books about the concept of grace. It is a word most of us are familiar with, usually in connection to God’s grace, but when we understand the true meaning of grace it can change us. Wouldn’t it be nice to never be offended; to live with kindness and gratitude? Getting there requires a paradigm shift, but the act of giving others the freedom to be who they are can heal the toughest relationship, and gives us more peace and freedom than we ever expected. May September be a month for you to give and receive grace.

There is depth in the word ‘perspective.’ What seems fair to me may not seem fair to you. Fairness is a product of our perspective, and that is why we are told not to judge people. I have a short-story book titled “Different, but the Same.” We are all the same in that we value peace, we pursue happiness, we need hope to move forward, and we seek to be appreciated—qualities engrained in the core of all humanity. We do, however, differ in perspective. We all see the world through the complicated, trifold grid of our personality, our family of origin, and our past experiences. Because of that, words like fair are not absolutes.

There are, however, absolutes of right and wrong that makes sense and allow for lawfulness and respect of human life. To betray a trust is wrong. To disrespect another’s property is wrong. To bully the weak is wrong. All of these behaviors will eventually, or in some cases instantly, reap consequences.

Unless life has hardened us to what is good and right, we know how to judge right from wrong. Judging people, however, is different from judging behavior, and we mustn’t confuse them. That individual grid of personality, family origin and life experience is unique to each of us. We can’t completely know another’s heart, but the Bible tells us God knows every heart, and His grace is extended to all. As God’s children, we are commanded to love, which means extending that same grace to others.

As you experience life this week, show grace to those you encounter. We never really know where someone else is coming from, what they are struggling with, or the real reason for their behavior. Jesus had two commandments: love God and love others. That entails extending the same grace to others that has been extended to us. Show someone this week that you appreciate them; especially someone whose perspective you don’t understand. You may never know what your words of acceptance might mean or how God might use them. Who knows? Maybe showing unexpected kindness to someone else will change your perspective. Let me know if that happens.

Kindness vs Offense

Perspective